Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

What happened to us? We used to be so close. I remember all the family times we had and the motorcycle rides we took. The trips in our black freightliner all over the U.S and all the people met along the way. Those were the good ole days. Now it is like I barely even exist. It is always the Zulus or now the Omens before me. You can barely walk because of your selfish act to ride across country on a motorcycle after EVERYBODY told you not to. You force me to be cordial to that poor excuse of a wife you married. This is not how it should be between us. I cannot even trust you. I would trust an enemy of mine before I trust you with anything. I should not have to AVOID calling you; I should be WILLING to call you. Well, I am here to tell you…I forgive you and thank you.

I forgive you because I want to take the power I gave you a long time ago. I want to be able to have a relationship with you but the fact of the matter is that you are so wrapped up in yourself that you do not even care about anything or anybody else. You are a dangerous kind of selfish and every day I work the absolute hardest I can to turn my genes around so that I do not end up like you, which is disabled and lonely. You pushed every one away, including me. You did wrong by all five of your kids, their mothers, and then you did wrong by my mother and my grandmother which were the main people here for you in your times of need. All I can say is wow, and that is a shame. When I listen to mom tell me what was going on ‘behind the scenes’ of what I saw as a kid…I only have questions. My biggest question is: What was the point in all that? You just…I am having trouble trying to control my deep anger and animosity that I feel for you at this point in my life, but it is hard.

You are the one losing out because you do not interact with me. I feel no shame because it is all you.  But, I do want to thank you. Thank you for teaching what NOT to look for in somebody else. Thank you for allowing me to learn from your constant mistakes. Dad, I can honestly say that if this was the very last time I ever got to say anything to you---- I forgive you and may God have mercy on you. I love you…but I love you as the father you USED to be.

Love,

Aria

Us back then...

Us now...