In my whole life, I have made countless mistakes…but who is to judge (except God) because everybody has! I have made anywhere from the dumbest mistakes all the way down to the heavier thought out mistakes. I would never blame anyone, other than myself, for any actions that I did. I know that responsibility comes with ownership of actions whether the actions were good or bad. No one is perfect therefore trying to pretend is a waste of time. Even though my list of mistakes is a run on, there is only ONE of those that I would ever change if I could.
When I reminice the rocky relationship I once had with my mother, it pains me to mention any details. I love my mother with all of my heart, and the last thing that I would ever want to do is hurt her. However, around winter time of last year… I did just that very thing. I went out of my way to do something she told me not to do. I disobeyed her to the fullest extent and once the damage was done the only feeling I felt, was emptiness. Meanwhile, as I was over the top I had people in my ear telling me different. I simply bypassed them and continued what I felt I wanted to do.
I wish I could take back the heartache I caused her and also the mood my actions set in our household. I went on depressed, unhappy, and utterly tore. Now as I look back on the things I did, I find comfort in knowing that my mother was only doing as mothers’ do-which is CARE. A lucky smile sweeps across my face as I think of being an only child, has a greater effect on how my mom is parenting me. Though I wish I could take back the hurt I caused her that is not possible. All I can do is show her my appreciation for her and continue to be all that I can be. What if things had gone differently with that situation, I wonder. Well it would surely have made a difference. Even though all the pain rushes back when conversations lightly brush on the subject, I know deep in my heart… My mommy forgave me and she loves me. J
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